Most of us are bad listeners.

Listening is not taught in schools and colleges and hence it is unreasonable to expect a normal person to be good at it, especially when we are not good at even things that are taught to us. Listening however is a skill without which communication is never efficient. Research tells us that if the whole gamut of communication is considered, only 9% is accounted for by written communication, 16% by reading, 30% by speaking and a whopping 45% by good listening. Since we are bad listeners, we become bad communicators unless of course we consciously make efforts to acquire this skill.

There is a difference between hearing and listening. While the former is a physical process wherein sound impacts the ear drum to send interpretable electrical signals to the brain, the latter is a mental process at the end of which the receiver “understands” the communication and decides to take appropriate action (taking no action is also a decision). Let us examine dear readers, what needs to be done to be an effective listener.

Concentrate on what the person is saying and not on how it is being said!
We are so accent-conscious that sometimes we conclude that just because a person is speaking in the right accent (“convent” accent as we popularly call it) he must be talking sense. Come to think of it, accent has nothing to do with the content of whatever is being said. The proportion of intelligent persons in both the groups (those speaking English with clipped accent and others whom we call “dehatis”) may be the same. It is only our bias that forces us to listen more carefully to the former group. So to become an effective listener, learn to concentrate on the content of what the other person is saying.

Listen for new ideas and not only facts!
A good listener need not behave like a judge who is trained to listen to only facts backed by evidence. We must train ourselves to look for “ideas” in whatever the other person is saying. Try and concentrate on the central theme of whatever you are hearing.

Don’t listen only to things that interest you!
A good listener extracts things that could be useful to him from whatever he is hearing. A bad listener just switches off, the moment he realizes that the delivery of speech is dull or boring and on topics which do not interest him (but may be useful to him). Imagine hearing your boss who is boring and repetitive but still being able to absorb the useful tips.

Keep your mind open!
There is that famous pearl of wisdom that tells us how “Parachutes & minds can work only when they are open”. Nothing can be truer. A bad listener is so full of his own thoughts and blind-spots that everything that does not agree with his beliefs is automatically sifted and “thrown” in the mental dustbin – and all the time the speaker may be harboring an impression of being heard very seriously. This is a dangerous situation because if the speaker knew that his ideas were being rejected, he could have taken some action. By appearing to “listen”, this guy with a closed mind is doing double damage. Guys who are too much in love with themselves can therefore never be good listeners.

Don’t be impatient!
I have seen persons passing judgment on a speaker within the first few moments of the presentation. Irrespective of whether these are favorable or otherwise, this surely is not a trait of a good listener. Jumping to conclusions on insufficient evidence (and that is what being impatient really means) must be a strict “no-no”. “Hear him or her fully” should instead be the motto. Bosses are mostly “bad listeners” when they hear their subordinates but often complain about their bosses when they do the same thing to them. Remember the commandment “ Do unto others as you would want them to do to you”!

Ask questions!
Nothing is more conducive to good listening than asking questions on whatever you are hearing. A good practice that all of us must follow, while verbally communicating with an individual or a group of people, is to allow them to ask questions in order to find out if they have understood what you are telling them. Many in the group would not ask questions even when asked to do so. A good response to that should then be for you to articulate those questions and then answer them yourself. Reluctance to get things clarified cannot be an excuse for inefficient communication.

Interpret the speakers’ body language.
You must understand that thoughts are faster than speech and none of us can keep pace with our thoughts while speaking. We tend to compensate for this by gesticulating and by using postures. A good listener is aware of this and is actively looking for these while also hearing the spoken word. His interpretation of these unsaid “words” helps him get the message far clearer than others who concentrate only on the spoken word.

• Why don’t you dear readers give yourself a small test?
• Score one point for each of the above skills that you possess.
• If your score is 6-7, then you indeed are a super listener;
• If it is 3 –5, you still need some practice before you can be called that and
• If you have scored 0 – 2, then I am afraid you are “deaf”. Your ENT specialist will however find nothing wrong with your ears.

"Mr. Prakash Shesh, the author, has done his MBA from Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad after his Masters in Physics from I.I.T. New Delhi. You may send your feedback to him by choosing an option at the top right corner of this page."