Many years ago when I was “learning the ropes” to become a good public speaker, I remember my guru telling me that irrespective of the occasion, I should always address the audience as “my friends”. In my naivete, I had asked him the reason and he had immediately shot back that “friends are the only persons who will listen to you even if you had nothing to say”.

All societies, religions, philosophies and cultures of this world eulogize friendship. Even the medical community feels that having friends is an excellent way of keeping your sensibilities and blood pressure at normal levels. A few days ago I read about a research that proved that “married men were in general healthier than bachelors”. It went on to add that this was surprisingly true even in case of those marriages that were not working so well (but had not yet ended in a divorce). When you realize that spouses are more friends than spouses, you will understand the benefits of having good friends.

Bollywood, since the time that it was not called by this name has been churning out tales woven around good and bad friends. So we had Veeru and Jai in that blockbuster “Sholay” using a coin with “head” on both sides and recently Govinda and Sanjay Dutt bringing the message home in “Jodi number one”. We of course had the “dost, dost na raha” lament in the evergreen “Sangam” in which Raj Kapoor was cut up with the Jubilee Kumar for walking away with his own “chashme baddoor”. Generations of dialogue writers have penned that oft repeated “dosti ke naam pur dhabba”, which continues to sway audiences even today. In reel life as well as in the real version, “friendship” continues to bring radiance to our face, as few other things can.

Even economists who are normally a staid & unromantic lot (I beg their pardon) have been known to use “friendship” to explain some of those difficult concepts. I had this economist friend of mine explaining what “recession” was, to ordinary mortals like me. Once upon a time, he began, there were two friends who wanted to do business. They tried their hand at many things but somehow never seemed to make any profits. Frustrated, they were on the verge of quitting when one of them had a “brilliant flash”. There is no business like “religion”, he thought; if they could do something that exploited these religious compulsions of people, they may make some dough.

Soon they agreed on selling “laddoos” near a famous temple where devotees wanting to buy “prasad” thronged by the thousands. Both friends put in their meager savings into business and made laddoos. The next morning with hope brimming in their minds, they set out to sell a box full of laddoos. Though they expected brisk business (who won’t buy “prasad” at a temple?) they soon found that not one devotee purchased anything from either of them. Tired, hungry and disillusioned, they sat under a tree and looked forlornly at each other and at their boxes still full of unsold laddoos. One of them took out the only rupee left in his pocket and gave it to the other saying he will “buy” one laddoo from him.

The other friend readily agreed thinking business was at last starting. The receiver of the rupee who earlier had no money in his pockets suddenly felt rich and decided to give the same rupee to the other to buy one laddoo for himself too. Before knowing what had overtaken them, the same rupee kept on going back and forth until they realized that their boxes of laddoos were empty and they still had only one rupee between the two of them. This, my economist friend explained, is what we call recession. No one has the money to buy goods and whatever there is, gets consumed in essential expenditure, leaving no surpluses.

The western culture is replete with festivals related to remembering dads, moms, lovers, friends and so on…. Some of these events have become commercial successes and are celebrated less for the purpose for which they were started and more for the hoopla that they generate. These celebrations have been imported into India on a very big scale and youngsters appreciate robust participation as real “cool” behaviour. Anyone who keeps away from them is soon branded a “pumpkin”. Tell me, do we really need to celebrate one day in the year, to remember our friends? Shame on us if we don’t keep them in our minds throughout the year. It is also my theory that in a country like ours where the two sexes (amongst teenagers) are not allowed to mix so freely, such friendship festivals provide a legitimate platform for interaction. The increase in their popularity is therefore fuelled from the interested segments – the teenagers themselves. Why is it that adults in India rarely participate in these festivals except may be for shelling out the expenses that their children demand?

Friends also come in the variety where one is forced to exclaim, “who needs enemies with friends like these?” This is mostly true in the field of politics where there cannot ever be eternal friendships. A friend is easily sacrificed at the altar of “power” since by definition, politics is the art of doing all things that will help a person consolidate or acquire power.

The one thing which psychologists say friends are rarely able to achieve is bringing about a real improvement in you. This can apparently be done only by those who criticize you. How will you improve if no one tells you where you are going wrong and what your weaknesses are? So dear readers, while it is good to have friends around you, learn to introspect about the criticism that is directed towards you – this may be the best way to improve yourself.

"Mr. Prakash Shesh, the author, has done his MBA from Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad after his Masters in Physics from I.I.T. New Delhi. You may send your feedback to him by choosing an option at the top right corner of this page."