We are all forever moving around wearing our own “masks”. We get so used to putting them on, that it sometimes becomes difficult to distinguish our real personality from the one we strive to adopt. Have you ever noticed the “body language” of the losing player, say in a tennis match? While he is faithfully following the civilized practice of congratulating the winner and thanking the umpire before retiring to possibly sulk in solitude, his “body” is conveying his disgust at having lost and his frustration at having to mouth niceties, when a stream of profanities would have been more natural.

Research has now proved beyond doubt that when the receiver of a communication gets contradictory messages from what the other person is speaking and what his “body language” is conveying, then in all cases the receiver believes only what the body language seems to convey. Why do we then persist in our efforts to “mislead” or “confuse” those with whom we interact? By “games”, it is this behaviour of individuals that I am referring to.

Imagine having an X-ray vision that could have told us whether the guy talking to us was indeed being genuine and not indulging in his favourite “game”. Being able to recognize the difference between the two is a great skill to possess. Like all expertise, this too can be acquired. Let us start by identifying the common “games” that all of us (don’t think it only others who indulge in these) play.

I told you so!
There are persons who would pretend to have warned you about the outcome, irrespective of what it was. These are “know – alls” who will tell you how they had predicted an event after it occurred. These personality types always want to be on the winning side and would generally align themselves with the victor, claiming how they had played a vital role in this victory. They pretend to be well-wishers and it becomes increasingly difficult to segregate their genuine concern from this “game” that they are playing.

I know!
The favourite game of these people is to pretend that they know everything that you have come to tell them. Nothing surprises them. The bearer of the message might really believe that they know everything about the event or issue and may not convey the full message. This person may of course be too proud to admit that he really does not know. This can cause tremendous chaos. The “corruption” that this can introduce in the communication – chain is dangerous.

This will fail!
These gentlemen will always be the devil’s advocate. Whatever you suggest to them, they will warn you that it will fail. Basically they are afraid of change and hence want to do their best to prevent it; one way to do this is to scare the initiator of the change. As someone has said, “there is nothing permanent except change”. Players of this game are therefore doomed to be failures. They also commit the crime of discouraging implementation of potentially good ideas.

This has been tried before!
Senior citizens &/or managers can be players of this game. They claim wisdom on account of their grey hair and don’t like new ideas very much, which is why they claim, falsely, that the new idea has been tried before and has not succeeded. They usually manage to scare away newcomers and sometimes it is too late before they realize that they have been taken for a ride. This game is a sure de-motivator and an efficiency-buster.

It is too costly!
As you must have guessed, this is the favourite game of accountants who often think their main task in a company is to refuse giving money because the idea is “too costly”. Oscar Wilde probably had this profession in mind when he chastised people for knowing the price of things but not their value.

No one will like this!
People playing this game claim prior knowledge about how recipients will accept the new idea, though they will refuse to divulge how they arrived at this conclusion. Full of mental blocks and pre-conceived biases, practitioners of this game can nip many a new idea in the bud, if they happen to be in senior positions.

Let us try it out!
This personality trait, my dear readers, is the only positive one amongst all the ones that have been mentioned till now. Persons who imbibe this spirit of trial are genuine motivators of new ideas. They are the organization’s real assets. A mind is indeed like a parachute: both work only when they are open.

These are then some of the games people play. Have you decided which one you want to? The crux of the issue is the difficulty in finding out if the player is playing a game or being his own true self. But then, who said peeping into someone else’s mind was easy?

"Mr. Prakash Shesh, the author, has done his MBA from Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad after his Masters in Physics from I.I.T. New Delhi. You may send your feedback to him by choosing an option at the top right corner of this page."